Endings

As I sit down to write this, I know what I want to say, but I have no idea how to express it in words that won’t seem trite. I’m trying hard to avoid the sickly, over-ripe scent of platitude.  

Ending.BeginningFor me, 2014 has been a year of endings. In January I decided to call time on a 24-year career, and also on a 3-year sojourn in France. These had both been fabulous experiences and there is so much I’ve enjoyed about both my company and my adopted country. But in both cases it was time to move on; time to try something new. Then in June, my wife decided to call time on our 26-year marriage. And that didn’t feel the same to me at all. I wasn’t ready for that change; in fact I would never have been ready for it. I couldn’t see past it to any kind of new future. It felt like something much more terminal. An ending. And then a void.

But vacuums don’t easily exist in nature. We can create them artificially, but we can’t sustain a void without enormous effort. As much as I might have wanted to hide from the world, and as much as I didn’t want to look for new love, somehow love found me. And now for each of these endings I can see new beginnings. I find myself in December, living in yet another (old) new country, working on a new career path, and suddenly, unexpectedly, head over heels in love with someone new.

I could never respect the “Harriet Smith” character in Jane Austen’s “Emma”; her propensity to fall repeatedly in love always seemed way too accidental to me; too passive. Yet somehow I’m caught up in a whirlpool that’s simultaneously planned and deliberate, conscious and intelligent, visceral and instinctive, and utterly, utterly delicious. Because someone else has chosen to share that whirlpool with me. And this is just the beginning.  

What am I trying to say here? That I could see the potential life beyond the end-points that I chose myself (career and country), but I couldn’t do that when the end-point was not of my own making. But in every case, the world beyond that end-point was the same, whether or not the Ending was of my choosing. The range of opportunities in life is unlimited; what holds us back is our own visibility of those opportunities. Sometimes what appears to be utter darkness is just the result of us choosing to keep our eyes tightly closed. Or an apparent lack of choice is just our decision to focus on one specific option (which then isn’t an option at all; you need two options before you actually have any sense of self-determination). In animals, as in humans, our natural survival instincts cause us to narrow our focus when in fight-or-flight mode; but as we relax, our peripheral vision opens up again and the full range of possibilities and choices becomes visible once more. 

I believe we are defined by the choices we make. I choose to begin again.

Happy New Year.

One Month

It has now been a month since I began my new life here in in Golden Bay. I can’t believe it has gone so quickly, but I’ve spent most of the time working, trying to make a solid start on my new career, writing iOS apps. I had set myself an internal deadline to have something to show by the end of the first month, and yesterday I submitted my first 3 apps to Apple for review (just Beta Test review, not final iTunes store review). So now I’m in the nerve-wracking phase of waiting to see whether any of the three have a chance to make it onto the iTunes App Store. I’m sure I’ll get better at this, but I also know that I still have plenty to learn about the whole process. And whether or not Apple decides these first three attempts should live or die, I’m pleased with the progress I’ve made.

I am enjoying the privilege of living in a fabulous house by the beach, with one of the best “corner office” views in the world. It’s the most amazing place to work: I’ll sit there staring at a computer screen for an hour or two at a time (as indeed, I’m doing right now), then suddenly I’ll look up and realise that I’ve forgotten the glorious view and I just soak it in for a few minutes. I definitely want to keep on doing this …

Away from the work, I’ve been walking and running on the beach every day (when it isn’t raining), and I’ve loved catching up with family, and with the few old friends who still live in the Bay. Everywhere I go, pretty much everyone here knows someone with whom I’m related or acquainted, and that’s not something I’ve experienced for a long, long time (living in the relative anonymity of Europe). One thing is already clear: no-one who lives here should have any illusions about their “privacy” … we are all

I’ve been making the most of my new ability to grow and collect and catch my own food: we had a first fishing trip yesterday; I’ve collected shellfish a few times; and I’ve been eating my own potted herbs from the beginning. But this week I took it a step further and harvested the first “vegetables” from my new garden: rocket, which in just three weeks has grown to the point where it needed to be picked and eaten. Is that normal? And does the triffid-like growth rate continue indefinitely? If it does, I’ll be serving Rocket and Parmesan salad for lunch every day!

For me, life has always revolved around the dining table. Last night, a few friends and family got together for dinner: Confit de Canard, cooked to perfection by (sister) Fi, with potatoes roasted in duck fat. Just stunning! It wasn’t Thanksgiving Dinner – because this is New Zealand (and we were already a day past Thanksgiving) – but something to be thankful for, certainly. As I drove home to the Beach House last night (with the top down), the night sky was just amazing. I had forgotten how clear the sky is, down under.

Clear skies, full moon (6)

While Golden Bay is – objectively – the end of the earth, already I’ve been blessed with visitors from France, the UK, New Zealand and even Tanzania. I’m really pleased to hear so many people planning to visit the Bay. I’d love to be able to host as many visitors here as we did in France or at Blenheim Palace.

So my impressions so far? This new lifestyle is certainly worth the journey … and while I have yet to prove that I can sustain it financially, I already know that I’ll be working as hard as I ever have in my life, in an effort to achieve that.

This is a lifestyle worth living for!

[Photo taken, hand-held, just after midnight …]

And Now For Something Completely Different …

And-now John CleeseIt was already clear two months ago, when I started my search for a new career here in the UK, that there was plenty of change ahead in my life. I fully expected to find myself working in a whole new industry, with new challenges and new learning to be done.

Since then, I have had lots of interesting conversations with recruiters and companies, many of which seemed intriguing and appealing, at first. But the more I talked about these roles, the less I felt drawn towards them. In many cases, it was not so much the work itself as the lifestyle that surrounds it. With the days getting shorter now, and the nights much cooler, I’m keenly aware of what the next 6 months will be like. I honestly don’t think I want to get up in the dark, commute an hour to work, then drive home in the dark at the end of the day. I’ve done my share of that, and it sucks at my soul like one of Harry Potter’s Dementors.

But that’s just how it is in the UK in winter. Yes, there’s a shiny car and an expensive house to compensate for those dark days. But I’m past the point where that compensation has enough appeal … if I had my way, every day would end with me sitting outside on the deck, chatting with friends and watching the sun go down. That’s what Real Life looks like to me. And I came to realize last week that this isn’t what I was interviewing for. The gap between Real Life and “Existence” (albeit a well-paid existence) has been slowly coming into sharper focus.

So over the past month I have been feeling steadily less enthusiastic about the commuting and the business travel that would go along with the kind of job for which I was applying. And to my surprise, I was getting more and more interested in something different altogether …

To keep my brain from going to mush over the summer, I bought an Apple Mac and taught myself to write iPhone and iPad apps, using Apple’s new Swift language. This is something I’d not done seriously for 10 years, and something I’d not been paid to do for over 15 years. I didn’t really have much clue whether I could still do it, or whether I would still like doing it. Turns out the answer to both questions is a resounding “Yes”.

But this was initially just something to keep my brain active. Something creative to do between job interviews. It wasn’t until late last week that it occurred to me that I could potentially go back to writing software for a living.

It will take time to polish my rusty software skills and to build up a profile and portfolio that will enable me to make a living as a freelance software engineer. And in the meantime, it’s not financially smart to be living somewhere expensive during the startup phase. Besides, even without the commute or business travel, I’m still not keen on being somewhere grey and cold and dark for half the year. The occasional holiday in the sun isn’t enough for me now: I want to see the sun most of the year (partly so I can watch it set each day, of course!).

And then I got to thinking: for the first time in history, it’s possible for someone like me to live on a remote mountainside or sit by the beach and work. In fact, it’s practically a moral responsibility to be located somewhere beautiful when writing software … not struggling with traffic and sitting in the dark all winter. Of course, most software people don’t have the luxury of upping sticks and going to live by the beach. Most people have ties of family or other responsibilities that keep them stuck in place. But since June, I suddenly don’t have those ties. And serendipitously, I also happen to know of a home by the sea, in one of the most beautiful places on earth: Golden Bay, where I grew up. The icing on the cake is the opportunity to be near my parents and siblings, who have each spent their own time wandered the globe, but have all found themselves back in Golden Bay in recent years.

So there it is. Something completely different. I had been expecting something different, but not that different!

And in usual Manson fashion, decision turns quickly to action. So it was last Friday morning when I first gave any serious thought to making a career as a freelance software engineer. By Saturday morning I’d done the math and worked out where I would need to be to give myself the (financial, emotional and climatic) space to make this work. By Sunday morning it was all decided. Tomorrow I’m getting the first quotes from the moving companies. And if all goes to plan, I should be sitting (working hard! really!) by the beach in New Zealand at the end of October. Just enough time now to visit friends in the UK, do some last-minute sightseeing and catch up with Alex in Lille before the door of the Airbus A380 closes behind me …

Time and Money

“When you reach a certain level of success, what really strikes you about money is its limitations. And the really big thing it can’t buy – after love and personal integrity – is time.”
– Tamara Mellon, OBE (perhaps an unexpected source of wisdom, but wise she most definitely is)

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H2G2 UK front cover.jpg

I have a habit of stating the obvious which – if you’re smarter than me – guarantees that you’ll think me an idiot. But if you’re around the same degree of smartness, those obvious utterings can sometimes be mistaken for insights.

So it just occurred to me today that the iPhone really is the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. My daughter, Alex, has been saying this for some time, but in the past I’ve always nodded and carried on staring at the screen, ignoring the significance of her words. So today, she spelled it out for me:

  • I used it to navigate across a new city, with its cute French accent burbling directions in my pocket as we walked
  • I read some (non-Vogon) poetry on it, while waiting for the castle in Ghent to open at 10am
  • I used the Babelfish function to translate the Flemish name of the fish I was about to eat for lunch
  • I asked it to compare the price of lunch in Euros, Pounds and (inexplicably) Altarian dollars
  • I took a photo of an alarmingly long caterpillar and it told me what species it was
  • We even saw a Hitchhiker’s Guide field researcher working on updating the Guide (OK, it was a poor guy with a Google backpack and a minder to keep him from getting mugged or pelted with Belgian chocolates, but the idea was the same … he even looked a bit like Ford Prefect from a distance).

And every day it’s the same … I wouldn’t travel the Galaxy without it. But most convincingly of all, ask it any question on Earth and the best answer Siri can come up with is: “mostly harmless”.

Douglas Adams’ vision has been fulfilled. Don’t forget your towel.

Change Is Good

As I contemplate moving countries for the 6th time in my life, I am struck with how easy and normal it seems.

Sure, there’s stuff to be managed and the inevitable snags when setting up new bank accounts, new telephone numbers and selling old cars. But it’s also refreshing: a chance to slough off the skin of a old life and start afresh.

Admittedly, it’s the first time in nearly 25 years that we have moved countries on our own dime, with the need to pack, freight and unpack everything for ourselves.

But that is also a blessing in disguise, because it provides a powerful incentive to assess each possession carefully. We’re disposing of lots of stuff that has, in the past, just made its way from country to country, without undergoing much in the way of scrutiny.

Now we’re only keeping what we really want to keep, and that’s powerfully liberating.

Most people admit – if forced – that “change is good”. But they admit it with a grimace.

Not me. Change = big, wide smile.

Art

“For the first time in history, most of us have the chance to decide what to do next, what to make, how to deliver it. Most of us won’t take that chance, but it’s there.”

– Seth Godin, The Icarus Deception

I can’t say that I agree with everything Godin writes. I don’t share his cynicism about the conventional world economy for a start.

But I do agree that the platform for people to express themselves – to “make art” – is more accessible than ever before. And the pressures for people to stay in the confinement of their “normal” box are just as strong as they ever were.

So I see new opportunities, but I don’t share Godin’s viewpoint that the only alternative to making art is some kind of Orwellian banality. Sure, some people choose to live a quiet, banal life, while others choose to live on the edge and make art.

But the important thing here is that it’s a free choice. Without that we’d be trying to live someone else’s dream, and that can never be art.

Social Acceptance and “Normal”

When asked recently* what he thought was the next social issue to undergo a sea change, Marc Andreesen replied:

Far more generalized acceptance of widespread variations in human behavior. All of us who were raised pre-Internet were taught that there is something called ‘normal,’ and I think that whole concept might go right out the window.”

You can see this already in many spheres. Partly where young people have been denied membership of the old “normal” (in areas such as employment, home ownership, etc), as well as areas where the next generation plainly decided that the way we had been doing it was wrong (IP around digital media, the degree to which undergarments should be a visible fashion statement, etc).

The interesting question is: what next? If you dispense with the limiting concept of “normal”, a whole lot of new possibilities open up.


 

*Credit: The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/05/02/upshot/FUTURE.html?hp&_r=0

 

Youth Unemployment

<Originally a Facebook post – 14 April 2014 >

For nearly a year now, I’ve been thinking seriously about a specific social issue. That it’s taken me a year probably speaks volumes about my limited mental agility. But it also happens to be one of those thorny issues has been left to languish in the “too hard” basket by our political leaders.This – to me – is the one issue that sits above all the others that clamour for political attention. But if ignored, it’s also the one issue that has the potential to utterly destroy the current social/political structure in which we live.

That issue? Youth Unemployment.

Even as I write these words, they sound boring … your eyes probably glazed over at the mere mention. But I see this as by far the biggest threat to Western Civilization. Or to look at it more positively, the biggest potential opportunity for this Generation to improve the lives of the people who will be the next occupants of this planet: our children’s children.

And when I say “the biggest threat”, it may be already too late for some countries, where a whole generation of young people have already spent enough time unemployed that they are unlikely to ever be “employable” in the usual sense of the word.

Youth Unemployment is an issue in practically every country (developed or emerging). But it is a far more serious problem in some countries than in others, and the political classes seem utterly blind to the risks. In most of the countries with which I have first-hand experience (New Zealand, the UK, the US), the rate of unemployment for young people is higher than for the population as a whole. Even in countries like New Zealand, where overall unemployment is relatively low (5%), youth unemployment is around 15%. Sadly, in countries like France, Spain, Italy and Greece, the rate of unemployment for young people is radically higher than it is for the (already too high) population at large. This is where the issue morphs from being just one social ill among many, to being an absolute existential crisis for society.

For 25% of young French people to be unemployed is terrible. But in Italy it’s even worse, at 35%. I can almost comprehend what that must be like, but I can’t even begin to imagine how 55% of young Spaniards and nearly 60% of young Greeks lack employment. It doesn’t seem real. But unless the statisticians are lying, it has been that way for years. And that terrifies me, frankly. You can’t just dismiss people as lacking spine or motivation when more than half of them lack a job.

Unemployment is corrosive enough in small doses. In the recent recession, many people had the experience of a few weeks or months between jobs. But for people who come out of school or university and never, ever get a real job, the impact is crippling. Many employed people moan about their boss or their work, but even they can acknowledge the self-respect and the financial independence their job gives them. When a substantial proportion of society has never felt that self-respect, never enjoyed even a moment of financial security, and never had any prospect of improvement, corrosion turns to poison.

Why the political classes think this is acceptable is beyond me. Even if they don’t care about the next generation, you would think they would see the writing on the wall in the shape of the next election. And if not the next one, then definitely the one after that. Because the day is fast approaching when enough disillusioned young people will take power into their own hands, whether at the polling booth or by violent protest. Why wouldn’t they? What do they have to lose?

I’m not particularly a fan of Russell Brand. His recent social commentary has – for me – been tainted by his personal hypocrisy. But I have no doubt he is right when he points out that the (largely young) people who feel let down by the system will eventually vote – or act – to destroy it. Young people who are unemployed for any period of time have no vested interest in sustaining the structure of society they live in. Why should they? Society has failed and betrayed them.

Politicians have relied for years on the tenet that younger and poorer people are less inclined to vote. Which is why they’ve continued to pander to the greed and insecurity of those with the most to lose if the current system changes (and who therefore vote en mass). But that voting dynamic is already changing, and could turn on a dime if people coalesce around a timely spark. In countries like Greece and Italy, new political parties are already tapping into the growing disillusionment with establishment politics. It’s easy to imagine a “flash-mob”-style campaign, wrapped around an issue like Youth Unemployment, putting one of those parties into power with a mandate to change the system from the ground up. Would they know what to do? Possibly not. Would that stop them dismantling the current system? Hell no!

Of course there’s a limit to what Governments can do to reduce Youth Unemployment. Governments, despite what Monsieur Hollande might think, cannot sustainably create useful jobs. But they can at least get out of the way by removing barriers to job creation. And they can resist the temptation to protect at all costs the wealth of the older, voting classes, at the expense of the young.

Why do I feel this social issue transcends all the others? Because the solutions to most other social ills rely on the next generation paying for the current generation’s future healthcare, pensions and infrastructure. All the concerns du jour like how to pay for the NHS or how to ensure that people can retire with dignity are predicated on the next generation’s willingness to pay for the promises made today (or last week, or last year). Remove that one presumption and the system implodes like the Ponzi scheme that it is.

If enough of that next generation is deprived of a decent income, they clearly cannot play their part in sustaining the system as it exists today. But much more importantly, if they are denied the right to their own dignity, security and independence they simply won’t want to sustain the system. They will happily bring it down if they think there’s the slightest chance that whatever replaces it will treat them a little better.

There it is: Youth Unemployment. It still sounds boring, but for some reason it’s important to me.

I’ve never really felt like I “owned” a specific social issue before. I don’t really feel like I chose this one … it just seems to have chosen me.

What do I intend to do about Youth Unemployment on a Global scale? I really don’t know. But somehow I do know that it’s my job to do something about it.

Any Suggestions? …

Spring-cleaning and Memories

 

Spring

This week we start the process of moving to a new home, in a new country. We get the keys for our new house in the UK (and we have an overlap of a month before we vacate our house in France, so that’s time for a couple of car-loads tied in with other trips, and then a big truck-load at the end of May to take care of the larger furniture and appliances).

Springtime seems perfect for a big move: new growth everywhere; new colours; even the air seems new.

And spring is a great time to clear out lots of old clutter from past years and past lives. In our case that’s doubly enforced, as we are moving to a house that’s less than half the size of our current home.

Some people struggle to let go of old treasured possessions, but I find it liberating. Sure, there are some special things that I would not want to lose … at least not yet (childrens’ toys, their school projects). But these are truly “sentimental”, by which I mean that it’s the sentiment that I associate with the object that’s of value. I rarely see some of these objects from one year to the next, but they trigger the memories and feelings instantly when I do.

The most valuable possessions of all are our memories, and the space for these is still expanding …